So whats been missed since forever ago. It's been almost 2 years lol
Had the baby, well technically my wife did. Which also tells you I'm still married :) She hasnt tried to kill me...yet... or at least that I am aware of... although my dinners have started tasting strange...
Got a new job. It's bad ass. I work w/ awesome people. I do awesome work. and of course the pay makes it all worth the 60 mile drive to work lol
Um, I deleted my FB. Thats kinda nice. Still have Twitter, Instagram & breathing life into this again lol
Trying to sell my truck so I can by a Scion xB for better gas mileage. Plans to move soon. Maybe away from Canton. We shall see.
Cant think of anything terribly entertaining for you atm, my head is splitting open.
*Look dancing squirrels eating poptarts while sword fighting*
- HG
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Baby Not Midget... Do Not Toss (tm)
Ok so the TM is technically only bc I saw it first on T-Shirt Hell =)
Sorry for the horrible lack of updates, I lost my job that puts me in front of a pc all day plus I'm going to be welcoming my daughter to the world in the next week or less :)
On the note of baby not midget... I know the shirt was made as a joke but you also know someone somewhere in life as seen a midget, walked up, picked up a complete stranger who happens to be abnormally short, tossed them like a sack of potatoes & walked away. At least thats the only reason I can think of for having someone thought of that saying.
You know that just ONCE SOMEWHERE... some ass picked up a baby & threw it mistaking it for a midget... it's ok, you can laugh... I did... I still do lol
Just food for thought :)
Sorry for the horrible lack of updates, I lost my job that puts me in front of a pc all day plus I'm going to be welcoming my daughter to the world in the next week or less :)
On the note of baby not midget... I know the shirt was made as a joke but you also know someone somewhere in life as seen a midget, walked up, picked up a complete stranger who happens to be abnormally short, tossed them like a sack of potatoes & walked away. At least thats the only reason I can think of for having someone thought of that saying.
You know that just ONCE SOMEWHERE... some ass picked up a baby & threw it mistaking it for a midget... it's ok, you can laugh... I did... I still do lol
Just food for thought :)
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
The Darkness Underneath
So my plan was to keep this lighthearted, humorous & entertaining. Which is still my plan/goal... except today I was having a thought about my child which made me think of something...
So I've always believed myself to be bulletproof, fireproof (which I've proven a few times lol), can drink death under the table & pretty much unstoppable...despite common sense. Then my found out my wife & I are having a little girl. Suddenly my mortality hits me & I begin to think of a lot of things. Mostly of my wife & my lil girl. I think about my future & theirs.
So my thought says. I'm a family man now.
Normally this is where you see the term "family man" & imagine a dad playing in the yard with his kids & dogs while the wife takes pictures & laughs. Which is something I plan to do. I want the 50's style bill board picture perfect family all laughing & playing together. You could even hit play & watch it happen in front of you.
What you don't see is what lies underneath.
I'm going to actually advise & warn readers some of you may want to stop here.
What is underneath that happy playful husband that is full of laughter & smiles has he chases his lil girl around the yard, Grabs her & rolls across the grass with her while the dogs are right behind...
Behind every light is a darkness, it balances things out. Light/Dark. Good/Evil. Etc/etc.
Let's fast forward further in that day to night time...
Everyone is sleeping, house it quite. The Husband wakes up in the middle of the night to what he thought was a noise, figures it's nothing, gets up to pee. When we steps out of the dark bathroom he sees a figure standing next to the bed w/ something in their hands & realizes that there is more soft noises in the house & the dogs haven't woken up...
Does he scream & hope he startles the person...
Does he run at him making noise & praying he gets close enough before this intruder doesnt see him...
What does he do? Heart racing, pounding so hard he cant hear. Then he realizes, this is HIS family that is in danger. HE must be the protector. Yes the police need to be called, but he must save his family first.
So he quickly & quietly steps up behind the person & in one quick motion snaps their neck while easing them to the floor. Then grabbing his pillow off the bed & pistol from underneath he steps into the rest of the house. Checking first to see his daughter is unharmed, he slips into the living room where he sees another man filling a bag semi-quietly. Realizing its just enough noise for him to step further into the room, the Husband then wraps the pillow around the pistol, steps up & shoots this intruder one time in the head. Goes quietly back to the bedroom, grabs his phone, steps outside to call the police. After which he goes back in & careful wakes his wife explaining that she doesn't need to freak out but go into their daughters room & wait for him.
Has this actually happened. No. Could it? Yes. My point is this, every single person is capable of doing unspeakable things to people. They just choose to pretend they cant, wont or wouldn't ever think of doing harm to another. In our less civil days thousands of years ago, natural human instinct is fight or flight. If in a position where flight is not possible or more so loved ones are in danger then fight is the option.
Think about it. If you thought or knew there was a risk of someone or something trying to hurt your family in some form of fashion, what would you do? Honestly think about it, then answer yourself. Would you have it in you to end the life of an animal to save your family? Most people wouldn't hesitate it bc it's "just an animal". Well so are we.
What if that 'animal', that threat to your family was a person. Would you have it in you to honestly end the life of another person, to watch them lie there lifeless... or watch them die slowly & painfully with no hope of a second chance?
For most people that answer is no. If you honestly sit there & think about watching someone die or being responsible for a human being no longer being on this earth & the people that would miss them... you wouldn't.
Myself, as a person, a kid at heart, an author, a gamer, a lover, an ass, a comedian, a father, a husband, a son. I would. Without hesitation if it meant saving my family.
I look at it like this, if you put my family in danger in any form. Then all rules, morals, laws, right/wrong, good/bad... it all goes out the window. Family comes first & if you tried to do anything to harm my family I would do anything to stop you.
Now please understand that I do not encourage people to let loose their primal nature on just anyone bc they looked at you, your wife or child in an odd way. I do not encourage murder, mutilation or any other form of violence against other people for whatever your rhyme or reason may be. I think it's sad that people are killed for their wallets, money, possessions or bc someone is mad at them. But I do think if you do anything that would cause harm to someones family in any form, you have it coming.
There are a few movies I could reference but I wont, I'm sure if you're a follower of my blog, friend of mine or the sheer fact you are on the internet & capable of reading/finding blogs... you are more than able to find movies or know movies I would reference...
Side note: Thanks to FrogZombie for the title
So I've always believed myself to be bulletproof, fireproof (which I've proven a few times lol), can drink death under the table & pretty much unstoppable...despite common sense. Then my found out my wife & I are having a little girl. Suddenly my mortality hits me & I begin to think of a lot of things. Mostly of my wife & my lil girl. I think about my future & theirs.
So my thought says. I'm a family man now.
Normally this is where you see the term "family man" & imagine a dad playing in the yard with his kids & dogs while the wife takes pictures & laughs. Which is something I plan to do. I want the 50's style bill board picture perfect family all laughing & playing together. You could even hit play & watch it happen in front of you.
What you don't see is what lies underneath.
I'm going to actually advise & warn readers some of you may want to stop here.
What is underneath that happy playful husband that is full of laughter & smiles has he chases his lil girl around the yard, Grabs her & rolls across the grass with her while the dogs are right behind...
Behind every light is a darkness, it balances things out. Light/Dark. Good/Evil. Etc/etc.
Let's fast forward further in that day to night time...
Everyone is sleeping, house it quite. The Husband wakes up in the middle of the night to what he thought was a noise, figures it's nothing, gets up to pee. When we steps out of the dark bathroom he sees a figure standing next to the bed w/ something in their hands & realizes that there is more soft noises in the house & the dogs haven't woken up...
Does he scream & hope he startles the person...
Does he run at him making noise & praying he gets close enough before this intruder doesnt see him...
What does he do? Heart racing, pounding so hard he cant hear. Then he realizes, this is HIS family that is in danger. HE must be the protector. Yes the police need to be called, but he must save his family first.
So he quickly & quietly steps up behind the person & in one quick motion snaps their neck while easing them to the floor. Then grabbing his pillow off the bed & pistol from underneath he steps into the rest of the house. Checking first to see his daughter is unharmed, he slips into the living room where he sees another man filling a bag semi-quietly. Realizing its just enough noise for him to step further into the room, the Husband then wraps the pillow around the pistol, steps up & shoots this intruder one time in the head. Goes quietly back to the bedroom, grabs his phone, steps outside to call the police. After which he goes back in & careful wakes his wife explaining that she doesn't need to freak out but go into their daughters room & wait for him.
Has this actually happened. No. Could it? Yes. My point is this, every single person is capable of doing unspeakable things to people. They just choose to pretend they cant, wont or wouldn't ever think of doing harm to another. In our less civil days thousands of years ago, natural human instinct is fight or flight. If in a position where flight is not possible or more so loved ones are in danger then fight is the option.
Think about it. If you thought or knew there was a risk of someone or something trying to hurt your family in some form of fashion, what would you do? Honestly think about it, then answer yourself. Would you have it in you to end the life of an animal to save your family? Most people wouldn't hesitate it bc it's "just an animal". Well so are we.
What if that 'animal', that threat to your family was a person. Would you have it in you to honestly end the life of another person, to watch them lie there lifeless... or watch them die slowly & painfully with no hope of a second chance?
For most people that answer is no. If you honestly sit there & think about watching someone die or being responsible for a human being no longer being on this earth & the people that would miss them... you wouldn't.
Myself, as a person, a kid at heart, an author, a gamer, a lover, an ass, a comedian, a father, a husband, a son. I would. Without hesitation if it meant saving my family.
I look at it like this, if you put my family in danger in any form. Then all rules, morals, laws, right/wrong, good/bad... it all goes out the window. Family comes first & if you tried to do anything to harm my family I would do anything to stop you.
Now please understand that I do not encourage people to let loose their primal nature on just anyone bc they looked at you, your wife or child in an odd way. I do not encourage murder, mutilation or any other form of violence against other people for whatever your rhyme or reason may be. I think it's sad that people are killed for their wallets, money, possessions or bc someone is mad at them. But I do think if you do anything that would cause harm to someones family in any form, you have it coming.
There are a few movies I could reference but I wont, I'm sure if you're a follower of my blog, friend of mine or the sheer fact you are on the internet & capable of reading/finding blogs... you are more than able to find movies or know movies I would reference...
Side note: Thanks to FrogZombie for the title
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
I'm a silly kid at heart
So the following is my friends rant on FB & my response to it. I have to say a couple of things first. 1) I KNOW I said I was going to try not to post a lot of crap from FB. 2) I know there is a MASSIVE amount of punctuation errors, just read through them ;) lol 3) You have to know my friend is a huge grammar phreak 3) Sorry its been a minute lol
His Post:
Ben *****
The next person to make any form of a "wow, you like 'em young" reference in regards to me being a high school teacher is going to get booted from my friends list and then get my boot up their ass at high velocity. I did not just work my ass off for three years to have someone make jokes about why I'm there. I'm 30. I'm way past that. GROW THE FUCK UP.
My response:
His Post:
Ben *****
The next person to make any form of a "wow, you like 'em young" reference in regards to me being a high school teacher is going to get booted from my friends list and then get my boot up their ass at high velocity. I did not just work my ass off for three years to have someone make jokes about why I'm there. I'm 30. I'm way past that. GROW THE FUCK UP.
My response:
**** * Cone
Dear Ben,
I really do believe we have nothing to fear more than you warping the minds of those poor poor children, Now should there be some gothy I love pain type chick in your class, should she have to stay after school for her punishmen...t, then you gotta do what you gotta do,
Just remember, there are no do overs when you're a teacher, going to jail means your job, I still plan to visit you (at school), remember my other offer on the phone should they get out of line, touching is only ok if its on the shoulder, shaking hands or a pat on the head, just remember for 1 & 3 to do it softly, not I'm a flaming homo soft but just soft enough that they cant file assault charges, If they do, I can fix that too,
side note, any person or persons that you engage in sexually activity with you should be your own business, anything more than 2500 ft (check your school district for laws) is considered off school grounds unless its a school event somewhere then you are still a teacher, once you leave the grounds/event & more than XXX amount of ft away from either you are just a person like the rest of us engaging in w/e sexual acts you want w/ whoever you want
also, I dont wanna grow up, I'm a juvenile kid...finish the lyrics...
you're boots are scary, even if i did witness a bottle top, some beer & a cheesy poofy thing land in them,
i would like to add that in fact you do "like 'em young" bc I'm not sure the last time I witnessed you date a woman older than you, so thats more of a fact than a wise crack, feel better, my wife is 24 & i'm 30, I turn 31 before she turns 25,
I would also like to add that i purposefully misused as many commas as possible to irritate your ass,
p,s, if you're still reading all this,,,kudos, i'm kinda like a special ed kid on quad skates (bc i'm that old) while trying to eat ice cream at a rave thats on a down hill sloped building,,, you just have to sit back & smile,
I really do believe we have nothing to fear more than you warping the minds of those poor poor children, Now should there be some gothy I love pain type chick in your class, should she have to stay after school for her punishmen...t, then you gotta do what you gotta do,
Just remember, there are no do overs when you're a teacher, going to jail means your job, I still plan to visit you (at school), remember my other offer on the phone should they get out of line, touching is only ok if its on the shoulder, shaking hands or a pat on the head, just remember for 1 & 3 to do it softly, not I'm a flaming homo soft but just soft enough that they cant file assault charges, If they do, I can fix that too,
side note, any person or persons that you engage in sexually activity with you should be your own business, anything more than 2500 ft (check your school district for laws) is considered off school grounds unless its a school event somewhere then you are still a teacher, once you leave the grounds/event & more than XXX amount of ft away from either you are just a person like the rest of us engaging in w/e sexual acts you want w/ whoever you want
also, I dont wanna grow up, I'm a juvenile kid...finish the lyrics...
you're boots are scary, even if i did witness a bottle top, some beer & a cheesy poofy thing land in them,
i would like to add that in fact you do "like 'em young" bc I'm not sure the last time I witnessed you date a woman older than you, so thats more of a fact than a wise crack, feel better, my wife is 24 & i'm 30, I turn 31 before she turns 25,
I would also like to add that i purposefully misused as many commas as possible to irritate your ass,
p,s, if you're still reading all this,,,kudos, i'm kinda like a special ed kid on quad skates (bc i'm that old) while trying to eat ice cream at a rave thats on a down hill sloped building,,, you just have to sit back & smile,
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Peanut Butter, Bananas & Sexual aids...not the disease you tard.
So this thought occurs to me while in traffic today: Peanut Butter & Banana sandwich. Hell yes.
But how to make it. Well obviously despite my love for crunchy PB you have to use creamy when making the sandwich, seriously, you can NOT use crunchy. Other than fucking up the texture of it all, its the sexual connotations.
Ok for those really slow people here's a quick break down. Crunchy PB = nuts. Banana = Penis. Make sense now?
Back to the sandwich...actually forget the sandwich.. Back to the banana. Fuck the sandwich completely. So a Banana can be used for a sexual aid if it hasnt been un-wrapped... ok peeled is a better word but if banana=penis no one wants to think of their penis getting peeled like a banana. This brings me to my next subject.
Men being turned on watching a chic eat a banana. Seriously. You guys have issues. In case you havent fully ever watched this. She takes BITES OUT OF IT. So either you like to have a woman take a chomp on your willy there or it doesn't cross your mind. So, not a sexually pleasing image. Popsicles, could work as long as she doesnt bite into the bastard, but there is the thought of how cold they are & also... does your cock melt, get soft & run everywhere while she's doing what she does (hopefully well)...if so, you should seek medical help & stop sticking it in random places. Blowpop... ehh... 50/50...most likely she's gonna bite it, plus its an odd shape. If it's a lollipop then I could see it... if you have a really small ball shaped penis.
I'm sure there are others, but I'm not gonna get started on them. Thats all for now. Sorry for the lack of updates, I will more I swear. Maybe. Maybe not.
annnnnnnd. waffles.
But how to make it. Well obviously despite my love for crunchy PB you have to use creamy when making the sandwich, seriously, you can NOT use crunchy. Other than fucking up the texture of it all, its the sexual connotations.
Ok for those really slow people here's a quick break down. Crunchy PB = nuts. Banana = Penis. Make sense now?
Back to the sandwich...actually forget the sandwich.. Back to the banana. Fuck the sandwich completely. So a Banana can be used for a sexual aid if it hasnt been un-wrapped... ok peeled is a better word but if banana=penis no one wants to think of their penis getting peeled like a banana. This brings me to my next subject.
Men being turned on watching a chic eat a banana. Seriously. You guys have issues. In case you havent fully ever watched this. She takes BITES OUT OF IT. So either you like to have a woman take a chomp on your willy there or it doesn't cross your mind. So, not a sexually pleasing image. Popsicles, could work as long as she doesnt bite into the bastard, but there is the thought of how cold they are & also... does your cock melt, get soft & run everywhere while she's doing what she does (hopefully well)...if so, you should seek medical help & stop sticking it in random places. Blowpop... ehh... 50/50...most likely she's gonna bite it, plus its an odd shape. If it's a lollipop then I could see it... if you have a really small ball shaped penis.
I'm sure there are others, but I'm not gonna get started on them. Thats all for now. Sorry for the lack of updates, I will more I swear. Maybe. Maybe not.
annnnnnnd. waffles.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Windshield wipers & you...
So this morning after scraping all the frost/ice off my truck windshield, I get a mile or two down the road in a still very cold truck when I see a dirty spot on the window... yes its coming... like a absolute fuckin rere I hit the clean windows w/ cold liquid button... what does this do. Turns my damn windshield into a giant sheet of ice at 45mph in morning traffic... so I do what I first think of... I Ace Ventura it lol...
I know. I'm a dumbass.
BUT! This got me thinking. Several years ago I had wipers that didnt really work too well. So one night me & my brother (The Samurai) are driving to downtown ATL in a POURING STORM. I mean this is the mother of all thunder storms, people doing less than 30mph on the interstate w/ their hazards on...
Quick back history. When my wipers would fail it would be randomly & the only way to get them to turn back on would be it hit a bump in the road. I had a crack in the circuit board that caused them to work when they damn well wanted to.
So as we're doing about 50mph in this storm that would make w/e you believe in hide under the covers w/ a flashlight bc we're stupid at times. Then suddenly the wipers freeze mid swipe. FUCK is all that can be heard over the storm. The Samurai climbs out the window & starts to work them by hand ... Well they start working so he gets back in the truck absolutely SOAKED. Right as he gets the window ALL the way up, I mean as soon as it touches the top... they stop again ...
So he gets this idea to tie a piece of rope (not string) to the blade... so he leans out the window & as he reaches for the wipers they kick on running across his hand... finally after screaming cussing & a bloody hand he gets it tied... leans back in the truck & rolls the window up just enough to move the rope.
This idea works great until we realize we can pull them to my drivers side. So while driving in a pouring thunder storm from hell, he holds the wheel (trucks on cruise control at 32mph) while I lean out my window & tie rope to my side of the wipers. After a few minutes, couple of close wrecks & decapitations we get rope tied to both sides of the wipers.
So here we are driving down the road in this thunder storm working the wipers by hand & we realize we are 2 miles from where we are going..................................really.................. well on the upside we can do it on the way home.
Except when we finally head home, get in the truck, as soon as we hit the interstate it stops raining.
True story lol
I know. I'm a dumbass.
BUT! This got me thinking. Several years ago I had wipers that didnt really work too well. So one night me & my brother (The Samurai) are driving to downtown ATL in a POURING STORM. I mean this is the mother of all thunder storms, people doing less than 30mph on the interstate w/ their hazards on...
Quick back history. When my wipers would fail it would be randomly & the only way to get them to turn back on would be it hit a bump in the road. I had a crack in the circuit board that caused them to work when they damn well wanted to.
So as we're doing about 50mph in this storm that would make w/e you believe in hide under the covers w/ a flashlight bc we're stupid at times. Then suddenly the wipers freeze mid swipe. FUCK is all that can be heard over the storm. The Samurai climbs out the window & starts to work them by hand ... Well they start working so he gets back in the truck absolutely SOAKED. Right as he gets the window ALL the way up, I mean as soon as it touches the top... they stop again ...
So he gets this idea to tie a piece of rope (not string) to the blade... so he leans out the window & as he reaches for the wipers they kick on running across his hand... finally after screaming cussing & a bloody hand he gets it tied... leans back in the truck & rolls the window up just enough to move the rope.
This idea works great until we realize we can pull them to my drivers side. So while driving in a pouring thunder storm from hell, he holds the wheel (trucks on cruise control at 32mph) while I lean out my window & tie rope to my side of the wipers. After a few minutes, couple of close wrecks & decapitations we get rope tied to both sides of the wipers.
So here we are driving down the road in this thunder storm working the wipers by hand & we realize we are 2 miles from where we are going..................................really.................. well on the upside we can do it on the way home.
Except when we finally head home, get in the truck, as soon as we hit the interstate it stops raining.
True story lol
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