Peanut Butter, Bananas & Sexual aids...not the disease you tard.

So this thought occurs to me while in traffic today: Peanut Butter & Banana sandwich. Hell yes.

But how to make it. Well obviously despite my love for crunchy PB you have to use creamy when making the sandwich, seriously, you can NOT use crunchy. Other than fucking up the texture of it all, its the sexual connotations.

Ok for those really slow people here's a quick break down. Crunchy PB = nuts. Banana = Penis. Make sense now?

Back to the sandwich...actually forget the sandwich.. Back to the banana. Fuck the sandwich completely. So a Banana can be used for a sexual aid if it hasnt been un-wrapped... ok peeled is a better word but if banana=penis no one wants to think of their penis getting peeled like a banana. This brings me to my next subject.

Men being turned on watching a chic eat a banana. Seriously. You guys have issues. In case you havent fully ever watched this. She takes BITES OUT OF IT. So either you like to have a woman take a chomp on your willy there or it doesn't cross your mind. So, not a sexually pleasing image. Popsicles, could work as long as she doesnt bite into the bastard, but there is the thought of how cold they are & also... does your cock melt, get soft & run everywhere while she's doing what she does (hopefully well)...if so, you should seek medical help & stop sticking it in random places. Blowpop... ehh... 50/50...most likely she's gonna bite it, plus its an odd shape. If it's a lollipop then I could see it... if you have a really small ball shaped penis.

I'm sure there are others, but I'm not gonna get started on them. Thats all for now. Sorry for the lack of updates, I will more I swear. Maybe. Maybe not.

annnnnnnd. waffles.

Windshield wipers & you...

So this morning after scraping all the frost/ice off my truck windshield, I get a mile or two down the road in a still very cold truck when I see a dirty spot on the window... yes its coming... like a absolute fuckin rere I hit the clean windows w/ cold liquid button... what does this do. Turns my damn windshield into a giant sheet of ice at 45mph in morning traffic... so I do what I first think of... I Ace Ventura it lol...

I know. I'm a dumbass.

BUT! This got me thinking. Several years ago I had wipers that didnt really work too well. So one night me & my brother (The Samurai) are driving to downtown ATL in a POURING STORM. I mean this is the mother of all thunder storms, people doing less than 30mph on the interstate w/ their hazards on...

Quick back history. When my wipers would fail it would be randomly & the only way to get them to turn back on would be it hit a bump in the road. I had a crack in the circuit board that caused them to work when they damn well wanted to.

So as we're doing about 50mph in this storm that would make w/e you believe in hide under the covers w/ a flashlight bc we're stupid at times. Then suddenly the wipers freeze mid swipe. FUCK is all that can be heard over the storm. The Samurai climbs out the window & starts to work them by hand ... Well they start working so he gets back in the truck absolutely SOAKED. Right as he gets the window ALL the way up, I mean as soon as it touches the top... they stop again ...

So he gets this idea to tie a piece of rope (not string) to the blade... so he leans out the window & as he reaches for the wipers they kick on running across his hand... finally after screaming cussing & a bloody hand he gets it tied... leans back in the truck & rolls the window up just enough to move the rope.

This idea works great until we realize we can pull them to my drivers side. So while driving in a pouring thunder storm from hell, he holds the wheel (trucks on cruise control at 32mph) while I lean out my window & tie rope to my side of the wipers. After a few minutes, couple of close wrecks & decapitations we get rope tied to both sides of the wipers.

So here we are driving down the road in this thunder storm working the wipers by hand & we realize we are 2 miles from where we are going..................................really.................. well on the upside we can do it on the way home.

Except when we finally head home, get in the truck, as soon as we hit the interstate it stops raining.


True story lol