E. Cola & you.

Thats right, I said E. Cola not E. Coli...

E. Cola is the hybrid b/w E.Coli & Salmonella. I thought of this the other day. Then in my sleep deprived state this morning (thanks to a new video game) it hit me.

Holy shit. The Cows & Chickens are starting to work together, and not in that cute way of the Cartoon Cow & Chicken. But more so in the we are going to kill off the human race bit by bit. One poisonous bit after another.

You see if may be us humans that prepare the food, but all it takes is one little distraction or accident & suddenly we are serving raw meat or raw chicken to Uncle Roscoe... while you might not like him, a painful death by fever, bloody diarrhea, painful abdominal cramps, life-threatening infections, temporary anemia, profuse bleeding, and kidney failure is not quite your intention for him. Personally. I'd just send a crappy cheap looking card on a holiday to show my disdain for him not kill him you psycho.

You may be laughing at this point, trying not to puke bc of what I've typed, wondering wtf is wrong w/ me or if you're a hypochondriac like some I know... you're calling your Dr, the CDC & the morgue.

I warn you my friends, this is no laughin matter. The cows & chickens ARE working together. Think about it. First we get E. Coli in 1885 "discovered" by a German human, then also in 1885 "discovered" by an American we get Salmonella. Now this has nothing to do w/ the Germans or Americans, it was the cows plotting world domination & the chickens counter attack so THEY could have world domination.

Now years later. McDonalds pushes hamburgers... then chic-fil-a comes along saying no no chicken is healthier for you. Burger joints have no counter for this, they just add more stuff to their burgers. Instead what happens.

Suddenly cows are PROMOTING THE CONSUMPTION OF CHICKEN. Its on billboards everywhere.

Face it, we need to take action or we are fucked. Before you know it the elephants are gonna get involved. And that's dangerous as hell....

bc they never forget.

Snow White...

So I got to thinkin about this the other day. Maybe it was this w.end. Snow White.

Has anyone else really wondered about this, I mean I know its suppose to be a kids story, stay away from strangers ESP if they have food, prince charming will save you lil girl, you'll live happily ever after.

But lets look at it like adults, logical ones. Here it goes. Hold on to something:

So you have this girl/teen that meets some scary looking old lady who drugs her & she's out like a light.
Now SEVEN dwarfs (midgets, lil people, w/e is P.C.) of varying age (if you just go off looks) from around 20s to 50s, take this drugged unconscious girl back to their house.
Whether or not you decide to think they are all gay (due to their in-sync singing, over whelming happiness or just the fact that its seven dudes living alone in a house in the woods. There is still an issue.
Unconscious young girl/teen (for sake of sanity & not puking we'll say she's 16, bc lets face it most people didnt live that long back then) in a house w/ seven men who have lived together for god knows how many years ALONE in the woods. Now you are really tellin me that since they know she's in a drug induced coma & not waking up (bc you know they tried to wake her) that they are just gonna sit there & take care of her.

Ok if they are in fact all gay, then yes I could believe this. But since they are all tired of not having a female around you know they started runnin trains on her, takin turns or all hittin where they could, bc hey... she's not gonna remember it right?

Little do we know (bc it's never shown in the movie) that after some stranger strolls in looking even more homosexual than the guys living alone in the woods together who sing in-sync. Who happens to kiss her & she wakes up. How he really pulled it off, no idea. So metro/homo rides in on a horse, wakes her & takes her away & they get married.

Then the STDs start showing up, the fact she's as loose as Debbie after Dallas, she goes to therapy due to bad dreams that start to surface. Then BAM!

She suddenly remembers through the fog, the seven guys doing god only knows what to her sexually. And the suicide stats for molested women go up.

And this ladies in gentlemen is what we grew up. Not this sissy ass I'm having to interact with my tv & gonna learn another language bc my country & Uncle Sam are too much of giant gaping pussies to do anything about our language issues & illegal aliens.. oh god we cant kick them out, what will others think... I know! lets just add their language as our second!!!... dumbasses.

Where was I... Oh yeah... seriously.  What sort of cartoons did we REALLY grow up on lol I'm sure there are others that I could analyze... maybe later...


Here's our moral for today: Strangers give you drugs, sell you into some sort of sexual slavery, your savior from the situation is either flaming gay or the founder of Metros, you have LOTS of STDs & off yourself in the end.

One more random social network funny... persay...

Now keep in mind my humor is strange... very strange. My brain doesnt work in an order like others. Here's a good example. Where most people would ask what was wrong or give some sort of loving words of comfort.. this is my response to my wife's post expressing how "blech" she feels over being about 9 weeks pregnant...


Wifey: UUUUUGGGHHHH!!!

Me: Nah nah nah naaaaaaa!

sorry lol I just thought of Master P.

but I love you & I hope you feel better ♥ 

It's the little things in life that will make you smile... or lead your wife/spouse to a very devious and insanity driven murdering spree.

So I was told to start a blog...

I normally abhor these things other than for good entertainment, which is what this should be. Anyways, w/o all the boring stuff, this is why I was told to start my blog... which my 'blog' persay might be nothing more than my interactions w/ people or copies from my social networking comments lol Like this one for example:



Camille: trying to find something cool to get Marty for his birthday and Christmas... hmm...

Cone: If only there was a way to get two gifts... or MAYBE... one HUGELY AWESOME gift...something that says I think about your moms vagina AND jesus. Oh man. If you could find a Vagisus that'd be perfect! Half vagina/half jesus. Or the other way ...so its a Jesugina? I like Vagisus myself. Just imagine a monster truck called Vagisus! or a Shotgun...  

Man I dont know where I get these ideas... but I should write a book!

Camille: LOL My mom is sure to have something to say about this

Cone: oh wow... that just opened the door for such bad things.
              
          I'm gonna leave it at this. HI MOM!!!! *waves frantically*


So thats kinda what started it. So I have to give a few fair warnings if you're still reading this. A) My spelling isnt the greatest, even w/ spell check. B) I have really bad ADOSS (Attention Deficit OHHH SOMETHING SHINY!!!) so its not always easy to follow me if I start to ramble. Which my wife will tell you I do. a lot. 6) I will at some point offend someone w/ something I say or do. Thats it for now. Oh yeah, I make no promises to update this on a regular/semi-regular basis since I have a full time job, spend 4 hours a day in traffic, have a wife & a baby on the way. Plus I have an addiction to video games.